msg on a coffee table

Have u ever wondered how significant the role of destiny is in everyday life, in every single step of life, its a plan really that reveals itself time and again at every point. i used to be this absolute believer in signs and clues that destiny would give me every single day of life, i would find meaning or a hidden msg in every single moment that'd pass me by. like that first crush of mine in school days, he'd just be singing some dumb song and I'd think its destiny giving me a clue, or like that old pile of pathetic poetry that I'd find each time i cleaned my cupboard, I'd think twas destiny... it was fun, back then it was lot of living. what happened later?? well i just stopped making a note of reading destiny's signs on my 'to do' list.
i was walking down mg road the other day alone doing some unnecessary shopping (read as killing time waiting for... u know what!) i was meditating on how i had become this 'oh my fate i surrender to thee' types and was just being carried around by daily routine and days had run into weeks and weeks into months... when i happened to pass by the old coffee house and since i had very few lesser mortal goals to achieve ahead of my evening, i stepped in for a coffee. The place still had its aroma (of real coffee unlike the contemporary coffee shop clones) the way it used to , years back when my uncle used to take us to the park down the lane and then buy us cookies or a sandwich and we would indulge in happy idle pratter and cause havoc to everything from the furniture to the cutlery and the hotel staff would just let us be rather than stop us brats from the rampage. and of our favourite pastimes would be good ole graffiti, i used to write my new word of the day on it bad spelling et al...then walk down to the park again buy helium balloons, and on the way back home buy lots of lilies and roses for my room, then spend the rest of the evening putting up the stuff all around my dwelling. Madness!!

i walked up the stinking side stairs to the first floor, sat idly on the worn out wooden seaters on the rear side... the interior had hardly changed and so had the upholstery (all about keeping tradition alive!!). the friendly forced smile bearer uncle came around to take my order, one veg cutlet and a coffee ordered i sat down with my miserable attempt at finishing Chaucer's Canterbury tales, as i ran through his description of each pilgrim at the inn i looked around at each of my co-coffee pilgrims, quite a variety indeed!! I'm sure twas worth a Canterbury tales dwitheeeya!! after some attempts at playing Chaucer i got back to the books, my food arrived too, i began eating, hardly paying attention to the food, when the coffee cup drew my attention by rubbing against my arm and spilling some of its contents on my papers kept on the table, god why couldn't i just eat without spilling stuff over, as i tried rescuing my papers on history of literature to be tampered by the advent of caffeine... my eyes took notice of the table, graffiti!, twas a writing i recognised, of course it was my own writing... the good ole graffiti alright!! i suddenly felt 'me' from the past was talking to the 'me' in the present. i that one moment visuals and scenes of a girl full of life hope love and joy running about and doing little chores for people, buying flowers, writing poetry, waiting for calls , writing bday cards, laughing singing dancing...believing in the certainty of destiny and the prince on horse top!! i missed her, that one moment i wanted to stretch my hand out into the words scribbled on the table and touch that lovely girl and get into her world of beauty and truth and destiny. bearer uncle came back to check if i was alright and offered to bring me another cuppa, i mumbled a yes and continued staring at the table, i had come here a lot of times after school days through college and later but i never saw the table or the graffiti i couldn't explain why i discovered it now and why did it matter so much now?? and guess what the me from the past had written on the table?? "Happyness" with the y instead of i.

something happened within me then. i was shaken awake by my phone's beep, twas time to leave, i hurriedly drank the second cup of coffee, caught up with a movie... we watched "the pursuit of happiness" that evening and incidentally happiness is spelt as Happyness in the movie :-)

as we returned home that night i bought myself some helium balloons and lots of flowers, destiny was my friend again, we had met after a long time, twas time to celebrate!!

Happiness

Happiness for me??? money? friends? a heavy purse to shop? no visits to the office? well... after a lot of thought i chose the following few moments as my tangibles defining happiness
hold !! before that..

Disclaimer: The ideas stated below are strictly of a helpless poet kind, cliches abound and full of sentimental rambles, so if you are the poetry aint my kinda reading material, its best in the library n fairyland types, please skip this post. this post is just that


Little thangam, the girl who works in my place (she's 16 so by rule not a child) comes running to me and shows me her new clothes (which by the way are my old clothes that are altered to fit her petite frame) and tells me how everyone in the neighbourhood envied her and said she looked pretty with a frown.
thangam's proud and happy eyes... thats happiness numero uno

life is down in dumps, its that no job, no studies, peer group settled and me unsettled, best friend in the ICU, love life in rocks, home scenes irritable kinda phase... when the phone rings and friend 's' on a loooooooong distance ISD call in the most demanding of voices asks "why are you isolating yourself? whats wrong", u fake a bad cold and PMS and tell m its all fine, he reads thro and tells you its ok, this too shall pass. days to follow, almost from nowhere all old pals from long distances and accessible neighbourhoods call n give u a shoulder to lean on... and everybody says the same thing, "i got to know from 's' that u're down... its ok da, why didnt you call?" life seems in place... s actually makes sure everyone around knew i needed help....
s' efforts - that is happiness

i am at my wits end with a boss that doesn pay politely telling me that he p[ays according to deliverables n not time, corporate morons who dont care to respond to meeting schedules n plans, a website that fails to take off more than the initial two pages, colleagues who are as frustrated with the job and a celll phone that does not have a network even on MG Road!!! when i hear a knock on the office door, someone's come for me the receptionist says. I go unconcerned not even interested inthinking who it might be, and the guy from my hometown florist shop hands me over a whole bunch of red frsh roses, the prettiest i've seen and says "flowers for u ma'am". and the delivery reciept has his company's name in the sender's column
Those flowers the sender's thought and my colleagues' chiding - thats happiness


i drop into college to fill in the convocation form thats been pending for the last 2 months its the last day of the deadline, cheesed off by the long queue i take a casual walk up to the staff rooms o drop in and say hi. Knowing i'l have to step out bafoh i actuaally meet the staff. When i bump into a teacher in whose class i said the stupidest of things and got away, she gives me her warm "hello dear, so good to see u" one liners, i make polite enquiries about her new batch, and like most teachers she too says they're not as good as my batch, and as we walk her handbag falls down n the contents spill all over the place, and amidstthe piles of official stuff i find a card i wrote to her one teachers day... she smiles through the facade and says "oh thats something i carry with me always, it reminds me of the fact that sometime down in life i made a difference in my student's life, and i read it each time i feel low... " smiles.
that tattered piece of paper with my writing in her hands - thats happiness

a dull birthday again as it is every year, i hope someone will make it special, somebody will plan a surprise (that works!) somebody will care to remember and send a card, but the day passes by like a normal dull day of gloom, i am giving up, changing into old clothes, when suddenly at 9 pm i get a call all the way from lucknow and a friendly voice greeting me to say happy birthday i am surprised she remembers, even knew my bday, and just as that call ends another friend drops in to whistle my favourite tune as my bday gift.
Those planned rememberences form unexpected quarters - thats happiness

a leisurely evening, carelessly sipping a cuppa, no hurry, no emails, no escalations, just being able to unwind with myself, then have time and the mood to clean up the racks, finding an old tape with the most soothing voice ever singing for me melodies of jagjit singh, kishore n rafi, the small msg at the end of the tape , the smile that lingers hours after the tape ends and the memory of a train leaving a station , me next to the door and a familiar face waving out to me from the platform, the train starting and stopping thrice and then chugging out hesitantly, for the first time not feeling bad about parting but being able to bask in the thought of poetry...
That leisure, that space for self, that voice, that person, that memory - thats happiness

Happiness is a way of life, it is to be able to see through the nuances of joy woven into daily mundane rituals, it is the ability to smile through tears, to have hope in despair to believe in the sunrise at dusk to be myself for a while, to have the time to be late, to eat what i want to eat, health without hidden costs and energy to do what i did as a teenager... that for me is happiness.
At the end of this post i wanna thank all u folks who played such a big role in me sitting to think what happiness means to me. My life is made up of these fragments of happiness, yes i too brood, i too crib, i too throw tantrums, i too have my mood swings but these fragments of happiness cheers me up again.
I wish for all of you loads of such fragments, these fragments are all what we could access without a need for a sign in or password. SO... Happiness anybody?

HAPPY HAPPINESS TIMES !!!