On his absence

I open my eyes to the morning
It's a day without you a day of mourning...
Why is the mindscape steadily fogging
Why is this absence consuming absorbing...
Tossing up things here and there.
Blurred my vision, my thoughts bizzare,
I stretch out my hand
And there you are.
Like every time...
Just a step afar
I open my eyes again
Waging the streaking sun,
Stretching out and grasping empty air
Thoughts of him, Nothing else and none.
I give up fighting the sun pouring in
I give myself a shake, the day has begun
Mundane tasks, my focus i shun
Staring, searching  the far horizon
Rings again that question
Who is he?
The question is unanswered
and forever will be
The mystery is exciting -
just for me?

After the meeting, we decided to narrow down on what id wear for the show, so we went shopping. Yes him n I... And my god! I have hardly seen any man who's so happy to shop. I swooned at his taste. I had a harrowing time trying hard not to blush... We saw some stuff, i tried on a few clothes... He'd nod to say no and say "beautiful" like he meant it when something worked. We didn't really find the best stuff. As we were leaving  though we happened to see some stuff on a large discount, we looked for a while and on an impulse he bought some junk jewellery n i sighed thinking twas for one of those women in his life, it made it worse that i had liked one of the pieces but kept quiet as he bought... I tried but couldn't hide the jilt... Nobody buys stuff for me like that, nobody looks at something pretty n closes their eyes n think it'll look great on me... The way he was at that moment for somebody else. What followed was a sulky me and some idle coffee conversation.

  The day ended. Thankfully. He held on to the gifts he'd bought throughout... I was still sulking. "what's come over you, what happened?"  He kept prodding. We then had an awful conversation about kids, family or the lack of both.

 Then came the time to leave AND as we said bye he said " ok don't say/think anything else, there's nothing to it, i just saw these and thought they'd look great on you and bought it for you, nothing else to it" and handed over the packet to me.
 Really ! :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-) Oh! There is a God after all

On Karna and his eternal tryst

Whenever I read of Karna, I'm overwhelmed - a whirlpool of emotions crop up. I get angered at his choice of sides, I'm filled with sympathy for his birth, I'm awed at his extraordinary valour and charity but I'm also puzzled at the fact that the dharma which so famously protects those who protect it is also at crossroads when it came to Karna. Why should a man of his calibre suffer such indignation and loss? Why should someone like Krishna play a role in his perishing? Why should a man who is capable of so much good face such dilemma? I doubt if the why has an answer. It is difficult to come to terms with history/epic when someone who is worth such admiration, someone who is brutally honest about his choices is put through such a treatment for just being him. I'm confident that even if Karna had known the truth about his birth earlier than he did, he would have still chosen to embrace Duryodhana's friendship, also was Duryodhana just being an opportunist in having embraced him at the right moment knowing he alone could offer hope against the mighty Arjuna? Wouldn’t you and I gladly trade our brawn and brain to a person who stands up for us in a crowd that humiliates and belittles? He was just being human, yet he suffers through out his life… is it fair?

 

Is there a retelling of Karna's story that answers these questions? I don’t know, even if there is a retelling can oral renditions, history, myth or divine law deliver him from the fate he suffered? Somehow a clichéd 'its his Karma' logic does not suffice and his eternal tryst remains a bag of unanswered questions to me.

At times i feel like I'm running out of patience, energy and love... Remind me again, When does this happily ever after begin ? Time is such a bummer even without time zones separating you... Like Ruskin Bond rightly pointed that no matter how you try, over time even the most intense relationship begins to fray, stemming from our inability to sustain the initial enthusiasm in a relationship...
I'm using too many ellipses, but i guess it helps a writer in more ways than just make her sound important. The point is that one must accept that every relationship will go through its crests and troughs, real love then determines if you can bring the relationship out of that trough of boredom with the same zest you had for its crest. Grab a moment, do something new, take a short but agreeable break from each other, walk a long road,talk about the need and importance of your relationship, see where you are stepping into each other's space - exercise caution above all remember that you love each other for a reason and let that reason be LOVE :)