Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Realm now here... realm now not!


He - a façade of confidence, eye for detail, inquisitive, unapologetic, go getter with a new found freedom and a devil may care attitude
She – bewildered, wondering if…, beautifully uncertain, well read, poetic, elegant and outspoken.
He is on his way out and she suddenly says “I’ll take you out for coffee?” And that’s the way the story begins rather that’s where I would like the story to have begun. It is amazing how two people, who at the very core of their selves are the same but pretend to be just the opposite, can actually discover the similarity and without much forethought decide to take a walk together. Well a narrative has to unfold and how will it if they don’t take that first step on their first walk? Or are these things pre-decided?
The night was young and they found themselves a warm coffee shop to just be. A few laughters a few meaningless exchanges… but I can only tell you her side of the story because the trend is that any 'his side' hardly has listeners or maybe I don’t know his side of the story – not that I don’t want to. She thought, “it’s just a coffee how forbidding can it be? He’s leaving , I’m saying bye, we’ll talk and that’s it.” But the devil’s advocate argued – then why did you spend that much time in front of the mirror this morning, why are you feeling those butterflies tear you up in the tummy?, why are you stammering and stuttering? Why are you scared? Why on earth are you blushing for nothing at all? In truth both of them had heavy baggage they carried He – unperturbed, she- full of words, he- posing like it was perfectly normal, she- wishing he shared her anxieties. When suddenly he said “it’s okay, we’re two people who like each other and are both nervous because at the back of our mind there is reality, social moors, responsibilities, vows and billion other things. But what the hell!?” And so the journey began, she smiled, sighed, wondering where this was going and why – they walked as the conversation built up into a self sufficient world of exciting possibilities. “I was attracted to you even before.” he quipped rather charmingly. They're always charming aren't they?” “In the beginning. Yes!”Conversed voices in her head. And suddenly, he took her hand as if he knew what was happening and with just the right amount of warmth held her a brief moment. She shuddered at the fact that she didn’t want him to let go. The night continued to weave it's tales and they sat around, giggled happy banter. Then there were the stars – through the glass and the lights – real and imaginary ones - to evoke dead passions, they spoke of story tellers, and norms, and love and affairs - he knew the names she knew the pattern! - it was all exceedingly poetic, free and weightless up to the point where he reached out to her waist dragged her close and said "What? I'm just enjoying the physical contact and would like to get that much more time with you if I get to drop you off". She fluttered within like the clichéd leaf in a storm. This can't be good, after all there is a whole real world they have each left behind and have to go back to once this nerve wrecking, exciting, rejuvenating, stirring, soul-filling journey was over. She didn't resist his touch, he was a total stranger and yet she couldn't think about anything else save how she would react if he were to kiss her. And then they talked some more. Blush and guilt and joy and moments of discoveries kept alternating their minds and the space that was left between them in the physical realm. She held him now and then let go. “What on earth are you thinking? You are no teenager who can be wayward and reckless and deal with the pining and possessiveness and emptiness that would follow the journey” said the voice – she had things to take care of, broken threads to weave back home and this journey was meant to break the monotony and stress of her life not add to it. But she also felt great much poetry conjured within her. He spoke about others and other sides and she did the same. He looked at his watch and she said “we must leave right?” “Well! At some point in this realm we have to leave. But I do wish that someday there would be a choice given to us where we could choose a specific point in time and just stay there…” and there she was dangerously close to falling in love.

A few glances, a few heaves, a few beautiful exchanges of thoughts and a surprisingly unceremonious – helmet-in-the-way- goodbye later… they rode into a new world with arms open and eyes star struck. She sat and wondered why she said what she said and if she really meant the whole grown up talk about not complicating things. As for home… right now it’s a fluid thought. 

And after the din had died... silence, she looked for him, he wasn't there. She saw it coming. Lucky it wasn't yet anywhere - and as she mindlessly surfed through channels on tv... a film poignantly notes, "what is most painful is not even being able to say goodbye!"