दुनिया से बहुत मिल चुके ,

खुद से मिलने कि चाहत है

अजनबियों से प्यार बहुत कर चुके
अब खुद से मोहब्बत कि चाहत है

बुलंदियों से नाता कुछ ज्यादा ही जुड़ गया
अब खुद से एक रिश्ते कि चाहत है

इन्सान और ईमान को जी जान से परख लिया

अब खुद को परखने कि चाहत

दूसरों के इच्छाओं के बंधी बन

अब बहुत वक़्त गवा चुके

अपने ही सरहदों से आजाद होकर

अब खुद के साथ वक़्त बिताने कि चाहत है

बाहरी आशा निराशाओं में बहुत गहरे डूब चुके

अब खुद के आशाओं में डूब उभरने कि चाहत है

अलग अलग लोगों के उम्मीदों को कायम कर बहुत जी चुके

अब खूद से खुद के उम्मीदों को सच्चाई में बदलने कि चाहत है

खोद खोद के असतित्व को बहुत इनाम पा चुके

तराश्कर अपने आप को अब खुद के खोज कि चाहत है

इंसानों के महानों के भगवान् को बहुत जान लिया

नाम और धर्म रहित खुद में बसे उस भगवान् को पाने की चाहत है

अंत के निश्चित सत्य से डर डर कर बहुत जी चुके

अंत से परे खुद में छिपे उस अनंत को पाने कि अब चाहत है!!

My history repeats itself...

I was so numb that day, so still... like a still birth, and that's exactly what it was, a still birth. Life was being born into another realm another system of living and i was numb, still, frozen!! My soul mate walked out of me... yet again! I'm still in denial! I don't remember how life was before this little poet who had so profoundly changed my understanding of life!

It is one thing to have a life partner and quite another to have a soul mate. God had blessed me with both.

A life partner becomes a part of your day to day living you are called by his surname, identified by his family traditions, know as an individual who is literally the better half of your life, the 'I'll be there for u' guy of your life, the kinda guy u'd nag, beat up, and cuddle until red! But a soul mate is the silent unsung part of your life who contributes not so much to your daily life crisises but contributes to feeding the soul in you the poet in you the musician in you the intellectual in you, the brook in you that is waiting to break into a song of truth and beauty... the unnamed part of your life but so so critical to the emotional you!

What does one do when soul mates walk out of you uninformed without any forewarning without any notice without even a breath of knowledge of what is to come?? especially when the walking out is without an explanation. Its like you are in a really dark forest and there is a sudden streak of lightning... Light for the way? not really, its plunging of darkness. Is it easy to walk out? is being away really so beautiful? Why is there no explanation? why is there no consulting before breaking those untied ties forever? How can emotions get over? or closeness cease to exist? and all this without any material reason?? beats me!!

" i do not feel that closeness anymore. I thought it would be wrong to continue to act like I do. The change is in me, and it has nothing to do with you" so why am i being put through this stage of denial of bewilderment, disbelief and a million dollar why??

But as tradition has had it, life will move on, pangs will be felt and the memories will remain, you will remain you and i will remain me but changed forever in that little space that you occupied in a fragmented verse of life...

And to you if you ever read this i have this to say

Thank you for dusting off the rust on my poetry and reviving the spirit and making it new!!

Thank you for having shown me that one rain can drench two dwellings however far away

Thank you for the sea that never drenched my feet but always listened to my words

Thank you for teaching me to see and understand beyond words

Thank you for bringing me closer to my roots and making me feel cosier in my home

Thank you for Meenakshi

Thank you for the songs that would break out uninterrupted on the moonlit nights i had lost

Thank you for all the people you brought into my life who stay despite your absence

Thank you for making me see that absence is not loss

Thank you for Paradise regained and lost

Thank you for making me see that i was more than just a woman in love

And

Thank you for the meaning you brought to silence!!