The point of poetry and music?

Whats the point in poetry? I cant understand poetry. Poetry is not for me. I don't see the purpose in poetry. What can you make in poetry, the money is in fiction right?. These are a few quips to which I had absolutely no answers to when my book of poetry was published around the same time last year. But one morning on a ride to work, i found my answer. It was an absolute bugger of a morning. Heartaches, lost feminist battles, uncouth co-inhabitants - life was a bore. All I could think of was singing a long lost poem. "Ambigai pennea anandam paadida vaa.." as I sang those lines... each line filled me with joy, laughter and a firm belief that some of the lines were written exclusively for me, one song led to another I kept singing my favourite songs and with each song every line that was well written lifted a veil of depression that clouded my mind. When the poems spoke about life - I saw my life reflected in them, when they commented on a broken heart - i could feel the catharsis taking place within, when the refrains were on the inevitability of situations - my shortcomings made sense, when they proclaimed wonder - i could see a spark of divine in all forms of life. Only poetry can allow a person to cherish a stray word in isolation without any context whatsoever - contexts however explicit are immaterial to poetry and that is the beauty of a poem, it could be written for anyone for any reason but the way it speaks to you changes constantly based on your own needs - a poem doesn't require a context - it is the context that requires a poem - to give it meaning , to  make it bearable.  And that my friends is what poetry can do to you if you could just let it. Every song, every poem is an expression of a person's innermost desires, passion, beliefs, and inadequacies. Every thought in every poem can help you and me in making sense of all the chaos that clouds life if only we can see beyond the what's the point of poetry perspective. Yes! I don't make money out of poetry because poetry is not meant to be a money making exercise, in fact I don't think it is even meant to elicit a response - it is meant to feed a spiritual need which people who measure everything with the yardstick of input vs output will never understand. In the vicious cycle of beginnings and ends the only eternity is love and poetry seeks to serve that love and no one else.

ek bheegi shaam

 

HISTORY repeats itself… there's hardly any reason to believe otherwise. I had given up hope of finding a someone, I would grow to love, who would say 'please stay - a few more minutes" and mean it. But - I did. Out of nowhere he walked into my life. He was this endearing, happy, peaceful human being, the likes of master Shifu. We met at a guest house, in sylvan surroundings. It rained the proverbial rain and we spoke into the night. I sang, he listened, we spoke about books and poets and snow and sun… oh yes and lost track of time. Suddenly, "Oh, time for you to leave I suppose? Let me walk you to your bike, better still, I'll come with you on the bike and get off some place, that way I will get a few more minutes with you." My mind voice "WHaaat? Really? Did I hear you right?". Why was this so important to me? I didn’t know. I guess I was just used to people saying please leave, your choice to stay or leave… a little too often and here was someone who wanted ten more minutes with me. I felt 17 again. That’s just a number.

 

I left … he said we'll meet again. I believed. I smiled. In all my joy, I called him - silence, messages - silence. he didn’t respond - I was disappointed - end of story everything else written above doesn’t matter. History repeats itself… there's hardly any reason to believe otherwise.

 

But then history may also add a few pages to its past while repeating itself right. Make do for the errors, right a few wrongs. Despite all my ego and heartache – I called him one last time. No response. He called back. "we're very simple people, we lead a very simple life, nothing can go wrong. Good you called. Was just held up with something new and haven’t had time to breathe. Been wanting to call you" He said. Nothing else mattered and I… well! We'll meet again he said and this time we did.

 

I was riding back from work across the lake and suddenly the phone rang, "ennamma kuzhandai eppadi irukkae?" awwwwww… that endearing voice, that child like abandon, that disarming smile all at once. "Hey… what a surprise!" I said and hid my excitement. "So where exactly are you now?" He asked, "Right next to the place I dropped you off last time." (Poetic Justice) I replied. "Oh good! Just take a left turn and meet me at the west gate, I'm here" "You're here? Really when did you land? How long are you here?" I enquired. "Areh… How does it matter, I am here, I want to see you even if it means we're spending only half an hour together." I smiled, I cried, I felt warm. I went, he was there waiting and then… well! The rest as they say is … HISTORY.

and suddenly...

It is strange... what they say about friendships! I have heard him say often "true friends are those that stay close even if they are away.. so much so that even if you meet twenty years later without having had a single conversation, you can pick up from where you left" hmmm... I used to grunt and brush off the thought. Recently an apparition proved me wrong. I call it an apparition only because it is yet to sink in. I was having the worst day of my life and I was pretty sure I was headed to a railway station to run away to the lands of yonder or just sit in the darkness and wait to vanish. For some reason I decided I would go to my tailor instead for a trial of the clothes that were due a week later.

I hate it when I have to park when the work at hand is hardly a few minutes and the feeling within is to vapourise... so as soon as I reach the tailor's - strangely named 'the middle shop' I look at him and gesture if I can just leave the bike out until I'm done trying the sample clothes, he reluctantly agrees, I set the bike to stand and take my bag out, thrust my helmet in and am about to turn around and enter the shop when at a distance I see three chirpy figures walk towards me... wait! is that... no! really? I see N... a good friend from college with two others . Others? No! that's S n A. OMG!! really it's been  years since we met. I run to towards the three of them, feeling 17 again, shouting "Am I having a dream or are these strangers?" a doesn't quite get it and grunts to herself "Who is this mad woman" N quickly recognises and we hug each other share pleasantries. I just want to hold on to them, go wherever they're going and not come back yet I ask them in as formal a tone I could muster "If you girls have planned some quiet time together, I'm okay, I can see you'll later, i was leaving anyway."  - I lie. "What rubbish" S quips, "come along, we're just headed to the store to collect a few things,we'll do it together." I happily trod along, chattering, happy banter like no time had passed.

I suddenly realised that time has its way of reminding you about the joy that you were capable of, the blessings you are given and the simple fact that life isn't about the aches and pains, the unpaid bills, the everyday falsehoods, the heartbreaks, the selfish MANkind the bickering and the nagging of - you know who- but about these coincidences, these reassurances from a beautiful past. Thank you girls for showing up from I don't know where and why - it made me smile and go back home and pick up life with renewed joy. I guess I'm turning 30 and it shows but I dont care as long as I can revisit the time when I was 17 and smile - all eezz well.

I go home - all three of them msg with the same question "Are you ok? You seemed hassled?..." I smile and say it's ok, everything is ok! :-) and suddenly... Everything is OK.

On his absence

I open my eyes to the morning
It's a day without you a day of mourning...
Why is the mindscape steadily fogging
Why is this absence consuming absorbing...
Tossing up things here and there.
Blurred my vision, my thoughts bizzare,
I stretch out my hand
And there you are.
Like every time...
Just a step afar
I open my eyes again
Waging the streaking sun,
Stretching out and grasping empty air
Thoughts of him, Nothing else and none.
I give up fighting the sun pouring in
I give myself a shake, the day has begun
Mundane tasks, my focus i shun
Staring, searching  the far horizon
Rings again that question
Who is he?
The question is unanswered
and forever will be
The mystery is exciting -
just for me?

After the meeting, we decided to narrow down on what id wear for the show, so we went shopping. Yes him n I... And my god! I have hardly seen any man who's so happy to shop. I swooned at his taste. I had a harrowing time trying hard not to blush... We saw some stuff, i tried on a few clothes... He'd nod to say no and say "beautiful" like he meant it when something worked. We didn't really find the best stuff. As we were leaving  though we happened to see some stuff on a large discount, we looked for a while and on an impulse he bought some junk jewellery n i sighed thinking twas for one of those women in his life, it made it worse that i had liked one of the pieces but kept quiet as he bought... I tried but couldn't hide the jilt... Nobody buys stuff for me like that, nobody looks at something pretty n closes their eyes n think it'll look great on me... The way he was at that moment for somebody else. What followed was a sulky me and some idle coffee conversation.

  The day ended. Thankfully. He held on to the gifts he'd bought throughout... I was still sulking. "what's come over you, what happened?"  He kept prodding. We then had an awful conversation about kids, family or the lack of both.

 Then came the time to leave AND as we said bye he said " ok don't say/think anything else, there's nothing to it, i just saw these and thought they'd look great on you and bought it for you, nothing else to it" and handed over the packet to me.
 Really ! :-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-):-) Oh! There is a God after all

On Karna and his eternal tryst

Whenever I read of Karna, I'm overwhelmed - a whirlpool of emotions crop up. I get angered at his choice of sides, I'm filled with sympathy for his birth, I'm awed at his extraordinary valour and charity but I'm also puzzled at the fact that the dharma which so famously protects those who protect it is also at crossroads when it came to Karna. Why should a man of his calibre suffer such indignation and loss? Why should someone like Krishna play a role in his perishing? Why should a man who is capable of so much good face such dilemma? I doubt if the why has an answer. It is difficult to come to terms with history/epic when someone who is worth such admiration, someone who is brutally honest about his choices is put through such a treatment for just being him. I'm confident that even if Karna had known the truth about his birth earlier than he did, he would have still chosen to embrace Duryodhana's friendship, also was Duryodhana just being an opportunist in having embraced him at the right moment knowing he alone could offer hope against the mighty Arjuna? Wouldn’t you and I gladly trade our brawn and brain to a person who stands up for us in a crowd that humiliates and belittles? He was just being human, yet he suffers through out his life… is it fair?

 

Is there a retelling of Karna's story that answers these questions? I don’t know, even if there is a retelling can oral renditions, history, myth or divine law deliver him from the fate he suffered? Somehow a clichéd 'its his Karma' logic does not suffice and his eternal tryst remains a bag of unanswered questions to me.

At times i feel like I'm running out of patience, energy and love... Remind me again, When does this happily ever after begin ? Time is such a bummer even without time zones separating you... Like Ruskin Bond rightly pointed that no matter how you try, over time even the most intense relationship begins to fray, stemming from our inability to sustain the initial enthusiasm in a relationship...
I'm using too many ellipses, but i guess it helps a writer in more ways than just make her sound important. The point is that one must accept that every relationship will go through its crests and troughs, real love then determines if you can bring the relationship out of that trough of boredom with the same zest you had for its crest. Grab a moment, do something new, take a short but agreeable break from each other, walk a long road,talk about the need and importance of your relationship, see where you are stepping into each other's space - exercise caution above all remember that you love each other for a reason and let that reason be LOVE :)